Earlier this month, I was scrolling through Facebook, a post from Madison Moms Blog that linked to an article titled Are We Roomates? really resonated with me. This little gem got me thinking about how you keep the connection going with your special someone with today’s super busy schedules. Especially as parents! Our children are in more activities than ever. Also, after having this very thing occur and assist in the ending of my first marriage, it is something I am super aware of now. Here are a few tips that I use to help keep our love alive despite our different shifts for work and two kids.
I am sure you are thinking, I know this. We all know this one but life gets crazy! Make sure that you are setting aside time daily to truly communicate with your other half. Even if it is only five minutes, take it and see how their day was or what they may need help with. Some days, all I know is it was not a good day and my husband needs some alone time to unwind. You can schedule time after the kids go to bed or find a sitter on a Sunday afternoon for an hour and go for a walk and talk. Keep the communication lines open.
SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
There were things you enjoyed doing together at the beginning, so find something you enjoy doing together now. It may not be the same type of date… I mean is folding laundry really a date… but it is time spent together. It is important to have time just the two of you, to unwind together, to just be. Find ways to laugh together. Life gets crazy and complicated. When you are a parent, you put the children first, especially when they are babies. As they get older, it is easier to make the time to communicate… between school plays, sports, play dates, and making dinner. Okay, maybe not a lot easier but a bit more manageable.
Ok, so sex… I am talking about sex. Schedule it if you have to. This is more than just something you do because it feels good. Sex with the right person gives you a connection… although physical it is still important. However, life gets busy and sometimes it is the last thing you think about. This physical connection helps relieve stress (somewhat) and even if you haven’t had time to talk or go out for a night to relax together… it still gives you a connection. So schedule it! Yes… schedule it… you make time for the kids, school activities, family gathering… why not pencil in some intimate time with that special someone.
We get so busy that we sometimes forget to appreciate what our special someone does for us or our family. We need to make sure that our other half knows that we appreciate their contribution no matter how small. Not only are you thanking them for loading the dishwasher or making sure the kids got baths… you are recognizing that you see their contribution. Sometimes that means the world! Especially when life is moving at 200mph and you are trying to keep up with the cleaning, the laundry, the kids activities, work and an attempt at a social life. A simple thank you can make your their day.
FIND YOUR BALANCE
By no means is this a comprehensive list of everything you can or need to do to keep that flame going. Every couple is different, so what works one may not work for another. Your relationship should come first. Yes, the kids are super important but if you are not secure as a couple then the kids can feel the loss of that security. It’s okay to make your relationship priority. Finding your balance (between family and your relationship needs) is what is key and going with that.