Family, Humor, Mom Life, Parenting, toddler

ABC’s of Parenting: Toddler Edition

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A is for Anxious: The constant state you are in 24/7 as a parent who suffers from anxiety.

B is for Bruises: How did my kid get covered in bruises?!?! Oh wait… was it from breaking out of jail, I mean, the crib or when she climbed on the counter to get a fruit snack. Toddlers know no fear… little daredevils.

C is for Candy Wrapper: The one treat you want to try and help you relax and trigger the reward center of your brain… but that crinkly wrapper alerted the toddler to the fact you have candy. And now, you have to share or shove it all in your mouth before the kid opens the closet door.

D is for Daredevil: Which is what your kid is and one of the biggest causes of your stress and anxiety.

E is for Elmo: That little red guy loves his tickles but his voice can be grating.

F is for Freak Out: What you do at least 4 times a day due to the kid’s constant ability to find trouble.

G is for GoGurt: This will end up everywhere… rubbed into the couch, seats in the car, all over your toddler’s head.

H is for Handprints: They are everywhere… on the TV, on the windows, on the walls… they magically reappear right after you clean an area too.

I is for Innocent: Your lovely little one is going to try to convince you that it wasn’t her who dumped flour all over the cat and the kitchen floor.

J is for Juggling: Work, Relationship, Parenting, and Housework. You juggle them all to keep your house happy and running somewhat efficiently.

K is for Kick: You kick balls not your brother. No, I didn’t say to kick your brother in his…

L is for Listening: Judging from Letter K, this is something most toddlers have trouble with. Their little minds are going 500mph so it’s hard for them to keep up with what you’re telling them not to do. They hear you perfectly when you say they can have or do something though.

M is for Miracle: Because it’s a miracle that you will survive this stage in your child’s life.

N is for No: No, you cannot have that. No dont you that! All day long you are saying no… which is why your toddler picks up on it so quickly and then they hurl No’s back at you.

O is for Orange: As in the juice that was spilled on the clean floor or the color of the marker your toddler decided to redecorate the walls with.

P is for Punishments: Time outs, Naughty Chairs, or Standing in the Corner. No matter what you choose, you child will more than likely forget the consequences to their bad behavior shortly. So make sure you get on their level and explain too.

Q is for Quiet: Usually a great thing, except you have a toddler. Go find her now!

R is for Run: Your toddlers favorite exercise and they are faster than you.

S is for Stress: It’s there. Learn to manage yours and teach your little how to manage theirs. Effective communication is key!

T is for Tired: See B, D, H, K, O, Q, R, U, and Z…

U is for Underwear: Buy them in bulk. You’re going to need it. Potty training is easy said no parent ever.

V is for Victory: The feeling you get after the kid’s made it through the day and are finally in bed.

W is for White Walls: To a toddler, white walls equals a blank canvas for their amazing art.

X is for Xanax: You may need one… especially if you are a parent who has anxiety.

Y is for Your Food: Dont worry, your sweet little one will take care of your plate of food for you. The food on your plate is 5 million times better than the food on their plate.

Z is for Zookeeper: This is your job title while you have kids. Keeping all the hungry, mischievous, curious animals in check and safe.

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